bigboyalready.com

that…

When a leader does not believe in us[potential leaders], success is very difficult to achieve. It becomes nearly impossible. As leaders, we cannot allow this to happen to those we lead if we expect our organization to succeed. - John C. Maxwell in Developing Leaders Around You.

As I read those words, I began to realize how I failed in leadership over some of the people I call potential leaders. Even as I typed the sentence before this, I find that I only call them potential leaders, have a thought in the back of my head that they are such, and have assumed that they are. I’m not gonna elaborate on whether I have belief or disbelief in them, but the fact that I have failed to see their strengths, failed to encourage them in those areas where they excel most, failed to truly recognize them as potential leaders has proven that I haven’t been the leader that I thought I was.

Well, it’s a good time for self evaluation. I’ve not felt that I have been myself for the last couple of months. It’s prolly the perspective that I’ve taken regarding certain stuffs that .. well .. hasn’t turned out all that well. One of it is the cell in Subang. I’d have to admit, it’s not like I’m all super about being cell leader. Most of the time I was feeling out of place. Which, literally does mean that. Obvious. I’m in Cheras. Period. Haigh. I’ve got 6 more weeks before I step down as cell leader and move out of the SS19A Cell. Had a session with Sean and Karen last Sunday and got it all out. After that, I’ll prolly join one of the .. cells in PJ. May be in a college cell, or a young adult cell. Hmm.

The future’s blur.

David[hmm]

Felt scattered over the week. Saw myself dissolving into the many .. responsibilities, roles, emotions, people and places. At the end of the day, I am found to be everywhere, but not somewhere. But somewhere is where I want to go; someone is who I want to be. Somehow, I’ve lost sight of what’s ahead of me, what’s important to me, and what’s required of me right this moment.

Sorry, but I’ve just spent the past 30 minutes delving into thoughts in which are … too confusing even for myself. It’s just one of those days where you sit on your bed wondering about … everything. In this case, it could have led to … more scattered thoughts about where, who and how I am. Which in the end would have been redundant, since I’m not exactly in the “I-want-to-improve” state of mind, and that you don’t want to be more depressed after visiting http://www.bigboyalready.com.

On a lighter note, last week spotted celebrations of my 22nd birthday with firstly, an unexpected inclusion in the birthday cake after prayer meeting on Wednesday and then a cake on Friday during cell. I’d have to say that the highlight of the week would prolly be surprising my aunty by telling her that it was my birthday that day. I spent the whole day cooped up at my aunt’s house in Klang, and I washed my car in the evening. All sweaty and damp, I was at the dining table having my dinner with my aunt looking on, constantly encouraging me to eat more. As I was finishing my bowl of soup, I just mentioned to my aunt that it was my birthday and she was surprised, and smiled widely, with a little hint of guilt. She didn’t know, and prolly would have passed it as just another day that her nephew washed his car. Haha. It was funny.

For those who put up with my feeble view of birthday celebrations for myself, making the effort plan, organize, and get something for me.. your effort was not in vain. I’m glad. Just when I didn’t expect, I received. Thank you! For those who didn’t do anything, no biggie.

Hmm… what’s ahead? I’ll tell you.

• My mom’s coming to Klang in the afternoon.
• Exams this Saturday. Communication Circuit. 10am.
• Going down to Bentong on Sunday.
• Returning to Penang on Monday for my semester break.
• Committee retreat at the end of my break.
• Final year of my course commences.

There are still many thoughts in my head. But, there’s a time for everything. And now is the time to sleep. Good night, you. Good night world. Will see you in the morning.

David[hmm...]