Tag Archive for 'Thoughts'

settling down

Published
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David
on March 13, 2007
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I recently asked a few people, how long it took them to settle down in their work, have a good footing after transitioning from studying to working .. and their answers were measured in ..

years.

I’ve been trying to settle myself down every since I’ve started work .. accommodating, compromising, adjusting, expanding .. and .. I’m still trying! Maybe I’m just trying too hard .. and should just let it come naturally.

Been swamped with stuff, these past couple of weeks. And .. I foresee a bigger load these 2 weeks ahead of me. Work’s picked up, I’m scheduled for GTYA Worship Service, wedding practices, etc. Weekends are no different than weekdays.
Picture a glass bottle, with the water spinning inside. You know how when the bottle is flung in a spinning manner .. the water sorta forms a whirlpool .. which is quite nice to watch sometimes. I see myself as the bottle, and it’s being flung by external forces and my “water” is somewhat spinning .. Sometimes it’s a nice looking whirlpool, other times it’s just plain messy. And .. what I do is that .. I spin myself, countering the force that is moving my insides. It creates 2 things. One, more chaos. Two, it calms the water down, neutralizing the whirring of the water.

Calm me.

David[hmm]

younger or older?

Published
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David
on March 12, 2007
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. 2 Comments

I’m concluding the poll on the right sidebar. Not a lot of feedback, but I think it’s been up long enough to be able to prove that it could be accepted as the general perception of the actual matter. Here’s the result:

younger or older poll

Any surprises? I think it’s pretty conclusive for the guys. There seems to be quite a balance between the responses. But I didn’t expect the girls to be so .. lopsided. What? You don’t see yourself going out with a younger guy? What’s wrong with younger guys? Oh, questions like sparks from fireworks .. are flying out of my head.

Well, I for one .. prefers older girls*, and showed it by voting “I’m a guy. I prefer someone older.” But the result of this poll .. although yes, we must all admit that it isn’t a comprehensive one, does show that girls do not prefer younger guys. I guess, I’d prolly be swimming upstream up the wrong creek, ignorant if not for this poll.

I think, this poll has been a good revelation. Well, for me .. at least.

David[hmm]

*EDIT : Although, I must add .. when I say prefer .. it’s not fixed. I still like girls that are mature at their age. Even though they might be younger than I am. *wink

financially responsible (part 1)

Published
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David
on February 22, 2007
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. 1 Comment

I’ve joined the ranks of the working world for the sixth month running now, and it’s been a relatively smooth journey. There’s just so many things to thank God for, especially in the area of finance. God’s been blessing me in ways many might not see as blessings, but deep down .. I know I can never do it without Him. And now, because of all that He has taught me [and still teaching] I am able to look forward with confidence knowing that I can do all things through Christ.

I’ve always been known as the spend-thrift of the family. Well, in a more apparent manner .. really. All throughout college and university, my dad lectured me every single time I asked him for money. He’d ask me why I ran out of money before the month end, and I’d be able to come up with some reason .. somehow or rather. So yes, I was never the thrifty son. Although, I will not fail to mention that all my purchases were well thought of and given careful consideration. Usually, they last me for a few years. Like my .. hmm .. shoes? :p

But when I started working, God placed within my heart the desire to be prudent when it comes to my finances. Of course, everyone around me encouraged me to practice it, so I started tracking my expenditure. Daily expenses, food, drinks, gifts, Darlie toothpaste, every single thing la. Of course, I don’t go down to the cents .. but only to the dollar. After a few months of .. religiously [for the lack of a better word] keying in every single entry at night just before I sleep, I get a good overview of my income and .. expenses. And so far, save for December .. I’ve been in the black. December was red, cause I spent more than I earned. Which later, was compensated by scrimping on lavish dining to satisfy the high class black hole in my stomach.

Every month, I know where I am in my spending .. with a budget I outlined with Microsoft Money in which I also utilize to key in my daily expenses. This software provides me with visual and outlined report of my spending, income, cashflow, and whatnots that I have not fully explored .. which makes the whole experience … fun! I’m sure those who struggle to keep track of your monthly expenses blame it on the lack of a GUI or comprehensive eye-candy to help you along.. Hehe.

Even though it’s just an apparently insignificant thing to do, recording every single expense somewhere, be it to a software or spreadsheet .. it helps tremendously. I am extra conscious with my money, when I am nearing the budgeted limit for the month. Of course, I think that the amount set apart for makan could be lower .. *cough* but anyway .. it’s all for the good of .. me. Ahaha. The straightforward monthly comparison of income VS expenses outrightly present the amount I have saved for that particular month, breakdowns of every single category shows me where my money goes .. be it to the petrol the car drinks, or to the food the black hole .. consumes.

I can’t stress enough about this issue of financial responsibility, especially those who are already living out on their own .. away from the comfort and security of their parents. Financial comfort and security. I am beginning to see how it will help me in the future, in which I will talk about .. in part 2!

So, till then .. stay tuned.

David[hmm]

PS: Pardon me for not updating. Just realized that the last entry was .. about 9 days ago.

weekends, how quickly they pass by…

Published
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David
on February 5, 2007
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Oh how quickly the weekends pass. But I thank God that this one didn’t go by unfruitfully. Friday, I found out that there was some sort of bonus that came together with last month’s pay, so I was overjoyed. Almost naturally, I began forming thoughts/plans on how to spend it! After deliberating for some time, I set those plans aside .. and just went what women just love to do.

Shopping.

I went to 1Utama on Saturday morning, and I bought myself a work shirt, and 2 pairs of trousers; the shirt’s from Seed, a pair from Soda and a pair of bootcut jeans. Oh, and a belt to hold it all together. Here’s the breakdown ..

Shirt - RM54
Soda - RM25
Jeans - RM73
Belt - RM54

Call me splurger, but I think my wardrobe needs extensive work. And the expensive .. whoops .. extensive work has begun. The pair of Soda pants was a STEAL! It was so cheap. I might just go grab another pair of another colour, if I ever find myself in 1U for whatever reason. And it fits really well. It portrays a mature look, and it add the “smart casual” into my arsenal of looks. The fit helps show off some ASSets, finally .. if you ever decide to look. I wouldn’t mind. *wink

Shopping really is … therapeutic.

Weekend services were pretty taxing, but it’s all good.

Janae and Nathaniel sure grow up quick. Nigel & Yvonne, Daniel & Adeline sure are proud parents. Beautiful kids.

January has been a long month. Praise God, I’ve been able to hit my target again .. but I sure hope to prove the industry’s trend wrong .. by making money during CNY month of February where .. no one really works. That’ll be a good testament to my performance .. and hopefully, it’ll convert to a big fat bonus at the end of financial year, come 31st March.

I cry out to the LORD with my voice;
With my voice to the LORD I make my supplication.
I pour out my complaint before Him;
I declare before Him my trouble.

When my spirit was overwhelmed within me,
Then You knew my path.
In the way in which I walk
They have secretly set a snare for me.
Look on my right hand and see,
For there is no one who acknowledges me;
Refuge has failed me;
No one cares for my soul.

I cried out to You, O LORD:
I said, “You are my refuge,
My portion in the land of the living.
Attend to my cry,
For I am brought very low;
Deliver me from my persecutors,
For they are stronger than I.
Bring my soul out of prison,
That I may praise Your name;
The righteous shall surround me,
For You shall deal bountifully with me.”

Psalm 142

Today, I read this Psalm .. which really helped me identify what I was going through .. these couple of days. I’m hoping to draw strength from how David finally cried out to God .. proclaming that God’s his refuge, and diverts everything back to God. Those times when he felt like he was not cared for, or when everything seemed like it was against him .. I kinda felt that way .. but I am slowly convinced that God’s the only justification of my actions.

And on that note, I’m ready for February. Irregardless of whether I feel or do not feel adequate.

God, You are my shepherd, and I shall never be in want. Thank You Lord.

David[hmm]

inadequacy complex

Published
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David
on February 2, 2007
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. 1 Comment

It’s quite a surprise. I was just driving home earlier, and I suddenly felt a sinking feeling. A thought that really made me reflect on the way I have perceived myself as, these recent years. The impressions that I had of my character, abilities, capacity, potential, attitude .. has just turned to the other extreme. I feel as though there’s nothing really special about who or what I am.

I for certain, and according to some around me, have not been of best friends to the people around me, I have no looks to show for, my heart’s full of deceit, my life isn’t accomplishing great and mighty things, be it for God .. or myself, I have no qualities of which stand out enough to set me apart, no likeable characteristics. No pride in accomplishment, no aptitude.

Inadequacy overwhelms my desire to do the things that I want, to reach for the things that I desire in my heart to have, to dream success in whatever areas I desire to be successful in. It especially overtakes my thoughts of how people view me.

It feels like I’m .. dispensable. I suppose I should be, because no one shouldn’t. But there’s no helping it, I suppose.

Maybe I’m scrutinizing the wrong things. Maybe I’m not in the best state of mind but .. still doesn’t change the fact that I feel this way.

*exhales

Why Lord?

David[hmm]

unsettled room, unsettled mind

Published
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David
on January 29, 2007
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People can always tell when I am unsettled.

All they need to do is walk into my room. That'll be a big indication.

David[hmm]

ah neh, tam bee!

Published
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David
on January 21, 2007
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Some people might have overheard my attempts to converse in Tamil with the mamak fellas I encounter every single time we have supper. Most would just laugh it off and take it as a feeble attempt to make a fool out of myself.

    Somehow, I'm beginning to feel as though there was a purpose for it. Who knows. It's the Year of Venture! You never know where God's taking you .. 

Even my backpacking trip to .. Sabah. That I feel, will play a huge role in where God's leading me to.

It's scary, but exciting!

David[*eek!]

have I increased?

Published
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David
on January 9, 2007
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Have been in the reflective mood these past few days. The year hasn’t started as smooth as I thought it might have been, really. I’ve been meaning to reflect back on what some of the resolutions I kinda made early last year. Here’s the entry, in case you wanna read it.

God’s been good to me. Some of the stuff that I’ve mentioned in this entry have come to pass, and have gone beyond my expectations! For starters, I’ve graduated! Finally. After 5 and a half years, I am finally a degree holder. This brings back memories of when I used to consult Ah Kong [Alfred Wong] during my college days. Boy, was I a confused boy. Boy. *phieuf

As for the fresh anointing in the area of worship, my oh my. Things were pretty slow, early of the year .. but just when I began committing to GT again, I rejoined the worship team and began to devote time to planning and preparing for the times I worship lead. Time and time again, after a service .. I am blown away by how much God does with the little that I devote to him. I mean, the time I put in .. would somehow seem like it was impossible to produce outcomes that is seen during the services but .. it’s just amazing, every time!

It really involves a lot of time, effort, prayer, commitment, and preparation .. which is tough, really .. cause it sounds almost too easy to write. Every time I think back on it, I get the jitters. I always think, “What if I didn’t bother?” or .. “What if I decided not to pray or give careful thought?” Might have turned out to be a disaster, might it not? Stress that comes from the pressure and preparation gets to me all the time, but God always manages to calm me down with His assurance that He always will bring glory to Himself when we desire to glorify and honour Him.

I’ve been leading with the guitar for some time now, and that .. I plan to continue to learn up and develop. It’s been okay, thus far .. but it always feels like I am still not good enough, in terms of .. well .. both sides. My guitar playing isn’t satisfactory, and my voice leaves much to be desired. But despite that, I feel that I’ve gained the respect of my musicians and backup singers. Just enough for me to lead them, but not to the level for me to correct/rebuke them. Just a feeling, I suppose.

Anyway, moving along now.

I questioned myself sometime after I finished Uni, “Where/what/who/how will I be?” I guess, most of the questions have been answered, especially with God’s blessings such as a place to stay here in PJ which is comfy and homely, not failing to mention the good rent. I think I’ve pretty much settled where God wants me to be, physical location wise.

Someone said this last year.

Though I have less, but I have more.

It does feel like I have much, even though I don’t. It’s a feeling that I cannot explain.

And on that note, I praise God for causing the unseen increase.

David[hmm]

PS : I still weigh the same. Sigh

worship culture

Published
by
David
on December 28, 2006
in General
. 2 Comments

I was just telling some friends, that I'm reading a deep book. The title of the book is "Discerning the spirits : A guide to thinking about Christian worship today".

    I've actually had this book since .. early September, but haven't had the time to finish it. I was almost a third into the book, when work settled in and all. Now that I am on my holiday, I'm making good time and progress on the book and I just thought that I'd share a couple of points that I've gathered from the book.

What better way to start than to have a quote!

Cultural adaptation of worship is inevitable, even as we are "inevitably subject" to culture. So if worship isn't adapted to this culture - including, to some measure, contemporary popular culture - it's not that it is being adapted to no culture, but to some other one. Worship doesn't take shape in a cultural vacuum, for a culture is the gospel's atmosphere, worship's habitat.

You know, we say words like "The culture nowadays is to .. " at the headings of our sentences that describe a particular way that things today are. Even the pastor at my church here in Penang commented on Sunday over the pulpit that 20 years ago, things were so different. 

    Culture is something that, to some extent, governs the way we live, the way we speak, the way we are as a whole. As implied by the inverted quotients in the quote, we are "inevitably subject" to culture. While this is true, and bringing this point forth .. we know that there are bad cultures and good cultures around. It takes us to filter, and be filters of the culture so that firstly, we ourselves will seep the good culture, and get rid of bad culture for our own good. And only then can we be the examples/guides to the rest around us by filtering it for them. 

Same goes with worship. Especially worship, since there are just so many influences of music, words, lyrics, melody lines, sound in general.

Here's what John Calvin said.

 In truth, we know from experience that song has a great power and strength to move and inflame the hearts of men to invoke and praise God with a heart more vehement and ardent.

In saying that, we also know that in similar ways .. darkness and evil nature can also be incorporated into melodies and harmonies. 

So how? Here's what the book continues to write.

Music moves us, or at least it has a powerful potential to do so. And so does God, who sometimes uses music as His instrument. But as Handrikus Berkhof's work suggests, God does not always move us, not even in worship; and not all that moves us is of God. 

    I know that sometimes .. God just doesn't move us during worship. For whatever reason it is, I'm sure that many people experience it. I'm not implying anything by making that statement, so don't judge me on that but .. yeah, that's besides the point. The point is .. sometimes .. being inclined in a particular way of worshipping with music governs what we think worship and the music used together with it is. Where as, worship really is quite able to be achieved on its own WITHOUT the use of music. 

    I'm addressing the culture nowadays, to have a certain way music during worship should be played. Be it loud, or made soft to accommodate the decibels that the ears can take .. the imposition of standards upon the church at large to "perform" in the aspect of worship. Even worship bands from Australia, or the US. Planet Shakers have their own culture, Hillsongs have their own culture, Passion in the US have their own style. 

    Back to the first quote. Worship will be adapted to a culture, be it our own culture, or the culture of another. It is adapted to the culture of which the message of the Gospel will and can be communicated and that the people will have the ease of relating to God through that style of worship. 

Culture changes. Another inevitable fact. Knowing what to adopt and what not to adopt is what requires discernment. Hence the book. Hehe. I've not finished the book yet, so .. stay tuned for more thoughts.

I guess, the reason why I am reading this book, and the thoughts that are coming to me regarding the culture of our society and worship in the church is that desire to improve as a worship leader. It's important to understand what can be done for worship in the church .. and what cannot be imposed on the congregation, according to the culture of the society that we are in.

Deep, huh? I think so too.

David[hmm] 

what’s the rush?

Published
by
David
on November 22, 2006
in General
. 3 Comments

I rush to go to bed so that I can get enough sleep. Then rush out of bed and rush to brush my teeth. Rush out of the house, rush to get to work, rush to finish work, rush to go out for lunch, rush to come back from lunch, rush to finish work, rush to go back home for cell, rush to eat dinner. 

Those were the words of a particular cell member. I wonder how many of you are nodding your heads in agreement to the scenario [maybe half of them]. 

    Our discussion continued into the reasons why we rush in our time with God,how we are unable to spend even a 15 minute in quietness out of a whole day's schedule. It's a very real struggle, when sometimes I do forsake my time with God for a little bit of sleep. Nod your head if you're with me on this.

Now now, be honest. 

    Everyone needs to buck on their time with God. I feel a bit off, when I miss my time with God. You know how sometimes you're a little cranky for no reason, or just a little uptight about small matters? Yeah. I get that. It's still controllable, but having control over the effect of the real true cause of the problem isn't exactly the right thing to be doing, is it? 

So how? Spank yourself for not getting up on time [in which, 6:15 means 6:15 with 15 minutes of devotion after that], and STOP pressing that snoozZZzze button. And that means, sleeping on time too. I guess .. there's no harm in rushing to bed, aye? ;)

Time to slow down on extra-curricular activities, take time to rest and commune with God.

David[hmm]